


Pete and the BeanStalk

by megyal



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-01
Updated: 2007-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-27 05:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Illustration by <span><a href="http://sirritwist.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://sirritwist.livejournal.com/"><b>sirritwist</b></a></span>. Drawings are property of the artist. Please do not use without permission.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Pete and the BeanStalk

**Author's Note:**

> Illustration by [](http://sirritwist.livejournal.com/profile)[**sirritwist**](http://sirritwist.livejournal.com/). Drawings are property of the artist. Please do not use without permission.

  


**_O_** nce upon a time, there was a boy named Peter who lived with his mother near the Edge of the World.

Actually? He was _old enough to settle down and get out of my damned house_ , as his mother put it. Pete loved to roam aimlessly about the countryside, peering over the Edge of the World to see if he could spot the bottom of it, writing on long bits of parchment about how sad life was at the Edge of the World, how he wanted something, anything, exciting to happen. But the Edge of the World was a boring place. No-one came there unless they wanted to throw themselves off into the abyss and since most people in the kingdom were fairly happy anyway, that was a rare occurrence.

He had his friends, Andrew and Joseph; how his mother lamented that he couldn't be as hard-working as they were! He really liked his friends, but sometimes they made him look bad.

Very bad. Like, a total bum. Just because Joe had helped re-thatch the roof, fixed the bucket of the well so it wouldn't leak anymore and just because Andy had fixed about fifty feet of the leaning wooden fence did not mean he was a laze-about. He was a delicate dreamer. Who had a severe allergic reaction to manual labour.

One day, his mother sent him to the market with their last milk-cow, admonishing him that he had better not return without some money. Pete set off sadly with the cow; he didn't want to sell her. He had named her Lulubelle only yesterday.

"Where you off to, Pete?" Joseph asked from his well-swept yard. Pete told him a long misleading tale about dragon-fire and fairy-lights, smirking as he left Joseph looking dazed. Joe might be mad-awesome at playing the lute, but Pete was the _storyteller_ around these parts. If he could only find a way to charge people for listening to his stories. Man, life would be so good.

"Where you off to, Pete?" Andy asked from his animal-filled yard, those he had rescued from certain death in the forest. Pete told him a frightening yarn about a small bunny being chased by wolves, leaving Andy clutching his favourite rabbit to himself in terror. Pete chortled and walked on cheerfully, still trying to figure out a way to get money for his stories. Andy might be good at beating out a sharp rhythm on any surface but he simply could not beat Pete on the storytelling tip.

As he reached one of the innumerable corners on the narrow road to town, a shifty-eyed man stepped from behind a tree and addressed him.

"Psst. Dude. I'll, uh, trade you something sweet for that cow."

"No, thanks," Pete replied, trudging on. The man kept up with him, patting his pockets until he came up with three small red beans.

"Hey, hey, look. These are magic beans! They're totally worth one and a half cows and because I like you, you can get them for one."

Pete pulled up short and Lulubelle pushed at him with her nose, chewing her cud placidly. Magic beans! Pete had heard all about those from this crazy old guy named Jack that had lived near his house. Jack, whenever he had been drinking, said that he had been to a place above the clouds. An amazing and wondrous land! Plates of food that were bigger than your own house! Glasses of wine taller than a pine-tree! Gold falling into your lap! Oh yeah, and there may or may not have been a giant.

"Are you serious?" Pete asked eagerly, his eyes shining. The man nodded and then gleefully took Lulubelle's lead-rope as Pete snatched the beans out of his hand. The man dragged Lulubelle away, leaving Pete to stare at the beans, sitting innocently in the middle of his palm.

"Mom, we are going to be _rich_ ," he announced as soon as he arrived home. His mother ducked out of the small, smoke-blackened kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron and looking expectantly at him.

"Hey, is it just me? Or am I not seeing bags of gold on your person." She peered at him. "I see your person. And the distinct lack of money."

Pete laughed. "No! Not right now! As soon as I plant these beans and they grow super-fast and I climb up and do my stickyfingers act, we're gonna be so rolling."

"See, this is why I divorced your father." His mother grabbed at the beans and hurled them angrily out of the window. Pete cried out in dismay as he watched them roll into the tall grass, most certainly tottering over the Edge of the World. "I mean, _honestly_! Why do I even _bother_?!"

She sent Pete to his room without any supper and he crawled into bed, thinking _I'm really getting too old for this shit._

***

He leapt up the next morning, fully expecting a massive beanstalk to be curling its way up into the bright blue sky.

"What were you expecting? A ginormous twig?" His mother jeered as she did the washing and Pete looked around in disappointment. "You know what would be more fabulous than a big beanstalk here in my garden? _You getting a job_. That would be so nice, my head would explode."

Pete was actually considering applying for that job at the local paper, just to see his mother blow up. He walked over to the Edge of the World, hoping that the paper wasn't looking for too much credentials and then he stood stock-still as he saw what was there.

A massive beanstalk was sitting right at the Edge of the World...only, instead of growing _up_ like a good beanstalk, it was growing _down_ , the big leaves shifting in the cool air as the thick stalk descended down the side of the sheer cliff.

"You are so not going down that," his mother warned from right beside him, frightening him badly.

"How did you get from there to here so quickly? Mom, you are a witchly-type person, I swear. And ok, yeah, I _am_ going down that beanstalk."

"But look how the leaves are! You'll have to move from leaf to leaf like...like some _monkey_."

Pete considered. "Yeah, you're right. I'll have to go down swinging. But it'll be cool! I'll be safe, promise."

"I should have never let you fall on your head when you were a baby," his mother mourned.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing."

***

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/megyal/pic/0000dt07/)Climbing down the beanstalk was not really swinging down it, as much as it was clambering between the points where the leaves joined the trunk. It was a long and arduous task and because it was the Edge of the World, he never saw the sun set. It just kept going from one side to the other, pausing for a while before retracing its course to the opposite end.

So it was fucking _hot_.

"Why am I doing this again?" Pete wondered aloud as he sat on one broad branch, right in the crook of it where it met the main stem, and took a long sip from his water-bottle as he swung his legs. "There better be, like, _piles_ of gold when I get down there. I mean it. Piles. Of. Gold. As a matter of fact, I want it to be so gold, that when I walk into wherever they keep it, it'll just brush off me and I will _stay_ gold. For serious."

The wind blew hotly, ruffling his dark hair and he sighed and began his trek downwards once more.

It got brighter and brighter, the further he descended; he was very hungry as well and hoped that he would reach somewhere soon. There was a field of clouds and as soon as Pete climbed down through that, he saw a huge strange land spread out beneath him.

" _Sweet_ ," Pete breathed and hastened down the beanstalk. The strange place he had come to, though it was beautiful and bright, was very quiet. No birds sang in the massive trees; no animals crashed along in the underbrush; no insects buzzing in the fantastically large and beautiful flowers. It was all very still.

He made his way through tall grass until he came to what looked like a wide road. Walking along it, he squinted when he saw a large, black house in the distance.

" _Food_ ," Pete grunted and staggered off in that direction. As he drew closer, his trepidation grew... because the _house_ grew. By the time he reached the gate, it was towering far over his head. The doorway was at least twenty times as tall as he was. Being a little brave and a lot foolish, Pete tapped on the door. There was a long silence and then a rumbling sound, like thunder; Pete realised, after a few moments, that this was the sound of footsteps coming to the door.

Giant footsteps.

"Ah, _fuck_ ," he whimpered, just as the door was wrenched open and an impossibly tall giant was peering around, a frown on its face. There was a beat and then the giant looked down slowly. Pete waved, wrist weak. "Hey. Um...hi! How are you?"

The giant hunkered down, a massive smile on its face. Pete hoped it wasn't a human-eating grin.

"Hi!" The giant cried and Pete was thrown back by the sonic boom. He felt his ears pop as he lay on the cold stone floor. "Oh shit. Sorry, _sorry_."

Pete yelped as he felt himself rushing through the air: the giant had picked him up and set him to stand up again. Then, the giant continued to speak in a much gentler voice.

"Hey! What are you? Are you Hoo-Man? Cause if you are, that would be totally cool. I mean, I've always wanted to meet a real live Hoo-man. Jeez, you all are tiny. Why are you so tiny? Don't you eat much?"

"My name is Pete," Pete replied, deciding that none of these questions were applicable. The giant's eyes lit up.

"Hey, that's a nice name. If it had been another name, say _Jack_ , I would have had to step on you, mainly on principle. It's in the Giant Book of Giant Rules. But it's not sporting, not at all. I'm Charlie, by the way."

"Wow. I was expecting something different. More giant-y, I guess." Pete wavered on his feet and Charlie looked concerned.

"You hungry? Come in! I was just getting ready to eat some Hoo-mans. I kid, I kid!" Charlie laughed heartily as Pete's face went pale. "Hey, let me carry you."

That is how Pete found himself being carried through the immense house that belonged to Giant. He sat on Charlie's shoulder, gripping the rough material as the Giant swayed like a large ship. Finally, they reached the kitchen where a meal had been set out: wine and cheese, with a few slices of bread as big as Pete's house. Charlie tore off a tiny piece of bread, a teensy piece of cheese and poured a droplet of wine into a clean thimble for Pete, setting it all on a tiny square of napkin. As it was, the napkin was as big as Pete's coverlet on his bed, the bread and cheese bigger than his head; and the thimble was only slightly bigger than a wash-bucket.

As they ate, the Giant prattled on happily.

"Wow, no-one ever visits the Land of the Sun willingly. I mean, people fall over the Edge of the Hoo-man World all the time and don't you guys put a barricade or something up there? Cause it's dangerous, really."

Pete only made vague noises as he ate. He kept looking around, trying to spot some gold in a corner, but it was so futile. There was no gold here, not at all. The gold would have come in mighty handy, for things like eating and basic survival. He had come all the way down that stalk for nothing.

"...and I don't think the Sun-King himself has ever seen a real live Hoo-man. I mean, he sees them from afar when he rides across the sky, but he's a little short-sighted, you know. Hey, you want to go see the House of the Sun? Dude, it's this massive gold castle at the Real Edge of the World. You have to check it out."

"Is it real gold?" Pete asked quickly and Charlie laughed.

"Yeah! Even the toilets are made of gold...which is kind of a waste, but whatever."

So, that very hour Charlie set Pete upon his shoulder again, striding out of his house and turning to the East. They went over seven hills, each taller than the last; when they finally climbed the seventh one, Pete had to shield his eyes; even from so far, the House of the Sun was very bright. After a few moments, his eyes seemed to become used to the glare and he squinted around. The fields of short thin grass about them was changing colour as they passed and Pete realised that they were actual, living gold.

"Oh yes," Pete said in excitement, wanting to stop and pick few blades of the grass, like a hundred or so. But Charlie strode on, the House of the Sun getting closer with each step.

"The Sun-King doesn't stay at his house for too long. He has a lot of work to do. But when he does, he stays in his music room. I helped him build it. He got a new harp the other day and that Harp is one _stubborn_ sumbitch."

Pete was turning this over in his mind when they finally arrived at the House of the Sun. It was not really a house, in the truest sense of the word. It was more like massive, shining castle, lacy turrets high in the air; and Charlie was telling the truth. It was _all gold_ ; Pete tried not to salivate. As they entered through the servant's door, Pete could see other giants working quickly in the House, polishing the gold, cooking massive cauldrons of food. Some of them called to Charlie as he passed by and he showed Pete to each and every one that did so. Many became jealous; they wanted their very own pet Hoo-man.

"Hey, I can sneak us into the Music Room, and you can check out the Harp," Charlie said as he plucked Pete out of another giant's grabby hands. "The Sun-King isn't due home for right now."

The Music Room was the largest of all the rooms, apparently, built in a circular fashion, with steps leading down to a round platform. On the platform sat a golden harp, about as tall as Pete himself. The Harp was a strange thing; it had a human torso coming out of the harp-column, which possessed a round face and a cap, of all things, set on its golden head.

"Hey, Harp!" Charlie cried fondly; Pete had covered his ears just in time, but the Harp only scowled in their direction. "Are you going to sing today?"

"Hey, how about I sing: _Fuck You All, Here in the Sunland_?" The Harp had a very lovely voice, Pete thought. Pity it was so miserable. "What's that skinny little thing on your shoulder?"

"I got meat on these bones, chub-a-lub," Pete retorted and the Harp glared even more. "I'm a Hoo-man....I mean, human."

"I used to be human, a very long time ago," The Harp said, trying to sound brave but not succeeding. "But some bitch of a witch cursed me into this form to get some eternal fire from the Sun-King. To sing forever. I mean, _seriously_. Made of gold? Is not as fun as you'd think it would be."

"But Patrick doesn't sing at all," a calm voice came from above them and Charlie bowed as the Sun-King descended into the room, a giant with long golden hair and bright eyes. "He says he doesn't know _what_ to sing." The Sun-King was smiling down at the Harp with exasperated affection. Patrick the Harp sniffed and turned his face away. "I have decreed that whomsoever makes the Harp sing will receive a boon, of either three bags of my finest sun-gold or anything else they deem as precious."

"Three?" Pete said, wrinkling his nose. The Sun-King turned and peered at him. "Um. Hi. Human, here. I was just thinking, Your Sunnyness, that three bags of gold doesn't sound like much."

The Sun-King laughed.

"Is this a Hoo-man, Charlie? They're so tiny! And funny, too. Oh and three bags of gold means _giant-sized_ bags of gold. As in, they're as big as Charlie here. Whoops, look at the time. There's a rooster crowing somewhere. I need to answer his call."

"What are _you_ looking at?" The Harp asked snidely as Charlie set Pete down on the platform beside it. "Why don't you paint my portrait? It'll last you longer."

"I'm gonna get that gold," Pete breathed and the Harp huffed. "You'll see."

"Yeah, uh-huh. I'm a tough sell. Give it your best shot."

From all over the Land of the Sun, giants arrived daily to see if they could make the Harp sing. They told Patrick jokes, threatened to break his strings, performed skits for him; but Patrick still would not sing. Pete noticed that they could not pull on the golden strings, because their fingers were too big; and Pete knew _just_ the person who was super-awesome at that.

He climbed the beanstalk and went to Joe's house to rouse him and tell him about the Harp. Of course, Joe didn't believe him; Pete had to drag him to the Edge of the World, kicking and screaming bloody murder, to show him the Beanstalk. His yells brought out Pete's mother and Andy, who had been inside fixing the woodstove.

"He's back without any gold," Pete mother sighed.

"Oh, hey, Mother! Nice to see you too! Get _down_ that beanstalk, Joe, or I will snatch that 'fro right out of your head." Pete was busy trying to force Joe over onto the Beanstalk. Andy ran over the to Edge of the World and peered down it.

"Okay, so there's something down there? Pete, you are a bastard for not telling us about this." Andy hustled over to the beanstalk and shoved the struggling two out of the way. "I'll be back to re-paint the walls, Mrs. Pete's Mother!"

"That's what they all say," Pete's mother griped, as the three friends shimmied down the stalk, Joe with a lot less enthusiasm.

"Man, finally," Joe groaned as soon as they arrived at in the Land of the Sun. "I mean. We climbed through fucking _clouds_ , Pete. Clouds. And I am so thirsty! Holy fuck. Pete. There is a giant over there. Tall and hulking."

" _Hulking_?" Pete grinned as Charlie ran over to them, his footsteps thunderous. "Nah, that's my main man, Charlie."

Charlie was ecstatic to see two more Hoo-mans. Joe got terribly sea-sick when riding on the Giant's shoulders and he hurled twice. Charlie was a very forgiving giant, evidently. He only let loose his booming laugh and patted Joe on the head, nearly breaking his neck.

"See, now, that is the House of the Sun. It of the golden toilets." Pete pointed excitedly as Joseph and Andy twisted their faces against the glare. "Golden. Everything. And we're going to make a Harp sing until its little golden lungs give out."

"I'm gonna hurl again," Joe moaned piteously; Andy and Pete shifted hurriedly away from him. He looked so peaky when they finally entered the Music Room; Patrick was derisive.

"Oh, hey, you're back! I thought you'd given up!"

"Um, dude. We haven't tried yet."

"Sorry." Patrick didn't look sorry at all. Pete never knew that a golden face could look so venemous. "Ok! Let's see what you got. Who's he? He looks like shit."

"Could you stop with the harping?" Pete snapped and then giggled a little. "Oh, you get it? Har--"

"Yeah, I hear that joke like, a hundred times an hour. Next time you open your trap, come up with something original, 'kay?" Patrick eyed Joe suspiciously as he stumbled around to the back of the Harp. Joe hesitated and then looked up gratefully at Charlie as the Giant placed a tiny seat, obviously taken from a Giant's dollhouse, behind him. Joe sat, tilting back the Harp a little to rest on his shoulder. Patrick looked mutinous but didn't say a word.

"Ok," Joe said lowly. "Here goes." He skimmed his fingers quickly over the strings and notes fell into the air, beautiful and sharp. The Giants that had been waiting in line looked entranced; the music of the Harp was almost intoxicating in a land that had never heard such a thing. Patrick raised his golden eyebrows.

"Impressive. But I could have done that on my own." As Joe was playing the lower-notes, the strings in the high section plucked all by themselves. "But hey, guess what? STILL NOT SINGING."

"Keep playing, Joe." Pete looked around desperately and he motioned at Andy, who blinked at him. " _Tap something_."

"With what, my teeth?" Andy rolled his eyes and began to clap in a lively rhythm, glaring at Pete. The Harp, however, looked interested, in spite of himself. He nodded a little to the beat, probably not realising that a small smile was creeping over his golden face.

"Yeah, yeah. That's good. Okay, I'd like to call this story _Fuck You All, Here in the Sunland_. This one goes out to Patrick, The Harp." Pete opened his mouth and sang about being taken away from a beloved home, to a strange land far away, where no-one understood and no-one cared. He was getting so into it that it took him a moment to realise that Patrick was yelling at him.

"What the hell is that? Oh man. That was...that was sheer bullshit. Hey, give me the words, let me show you how that it's done." Patrick listened carefully as Pete repeated the words to him and then cleared his throat. " _This_ is how you sing that."

All the Giants in the Music Room were reduced to tears as Patrick sang. Pete accepted a massive handkerchief from Charlie, blowing his nose into a corner of it. It was so beautiful; the Harp singing one of his stories the loveliest things he had ever heard in his entire life; Joe continued to play and Andy continued to clap and by the time they had finished, the whole room was crying.

"That was so awesome!" Pete wailed loudly. "Wasn't that awesome? You know what is even more awesome? He sang! And I did it! I get all that gold!" Pete wept some more, dabbing at his eyes; well, it was more like mopping his face with something the size of his patched-up blanket at home. When he had finally cleaned himself up, he noticed the Harp staring at the ground.

"Yeah." The Harp's voice, which could be so powerful, was cold and quiet. "You get all that gold."

Pete was staring at him, trying to say something, when they wheeled in the tall bags of sun-gold, followed by the beaming Sun-King.

"That was marvelous, Patrick," The Sun-King said proudly, but Patrick did not look up. "I heard you when I was setting! You truly have the voice of gold."

"Thank you," Patrick said dully. "I guess I'll sing whatever you want now."

The Sun-King smiled and bent to whisper to Patrick.

"What is it _you_ want to sing, Golden Harp?"

Pete was surprised to see Patrick flash him a quick look, them mumble something.

"What? What was that? I couldn't hear, maybe I have some ozone in my ears, I can't--"

"I _said_ ," Patrick gritted out, "I want to sing _his_ stories." He twitched his round chin over in Pete's direction. The Sun-King smiled at Pete knowingly.

"If that is your heart's desire, then you are free to do as you will."

The Harp's golden colour began to fade, except his hair, which remained a dark copper. He wriggled in surprise and the strings of the Harp snapped out of their frame, the curve of the wood moulding into a proper human form. Patrick grinned and then scowled up at the King.

"Why didn't you tell me it was that easy!"

"It isn't!" The King was laughing so hard. "Seriously, I was taking a big old guess right there. And you, Peter. You have the choice: the bags of gold, or something else as precious." He stared at Pete, widening his eyes a little.

"Um... maybe over here?" Pete tried to step in the direction of the gold and the King shook his head slightly. Pete sighed. "I know, I know. Can I...may I take Patrick?"

"Please do. He has the most _awful_ temper," the King said solemnly. "He's a little bit of a bitch."

"Hey!" Patrick yelled but he was smiling so hard; Pete thought he looked brighter than gold. "Thank you. So very much."

So that is the story of how Pete and his friends went into the Land of the Sun and came back with what everyone called the Voice of Gold. They made a lot of money going from kingdom to kingdom, performing their tale, so much so that Pete offered to move his mother from the old house at the Edge of the World. She refused, for she had turned the beanstalk into a tourist attraction and was sending tours down it twice weekly.

As for Pete and Patrick, they became good friends who fought nearly every day; Joe and Andy rolled their eyes and kept far from these arguments. And whenever you see Patrick singing with his eyes closed to the sky, you must know by now that he is singing a special song for the Sun.

  



End file.
